Tuesday, January 28, 2014
What on EARTH am I doing?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Drifting through the wind? Wanting to start again? Just kidding...but seriously, admit it. Sometimes you just feel like dirt. Not the pretty red dirt that could be turned into clay, not the soil that fertilizes the beautiful plants, but the dirt that lies with fossils; dirt that lies with the dead, like I'm at a dead - end. I can feel so lost sometimes, but not often because I'm too busy focusing on a degree that has nothing to do with my dreams, or so I think. Lately, I've been having a pain in my chest (figuratively speaking...somewhat) that feels like a gut feeling. It's a feeling that people tend to act upon because they know it'd lead to something positive/negative; a serious consequence. **Side note: a gut feeling occurs due to sharing the same emotional chemical produced in your brain with you stomach. So, you're actually FEELING you're emotions. Yay for college education! Anyway, I have been praying a lot about things that probably aren't necessary. A.K.A. selfish praying (or at least I think it is). I've been praying for guidance, but more like "PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOME SORT OF SIGN BECAUSE THINGS AREN'T GOING SO HOT DOWN HERE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO." With that thought, the past week, I have been realizing that I have absolutely NO way of knowing what will happen next in my life. None. Even if I do have my planner laid out in front of me, things could change in a second. I can't keep worrying about what I should be doing or what others think I should do because it's not up to me, and let me tell you, that DRIVES. ME. NUTS. I always feel like I NEED to know everything; what I should do, where I should go, what I need to prepare, etc. But, in reality, I don't need to worry about SQUAT. Even though I might not enjoy what I'm doing now (I'm talking like I like it 30% of the time), maybe it's in my will; maybe it's what I'm supposed to be doing. It could be a part of my ultimate goal; my will in His plan, even though I'd rather run 10 miles than continue to do what I'm doing. And you know what? The past month or so, I swear, EVERY sermon at my Church has been giving me hints. Basically, the hint has been, "Chill out, be true, and let me do my work. - God" So, I'm doing my best to just relax and let things fall where they may, which has been challenging, but interesting at the same time. I can't recall each one specifically, but I remember 2 that stood out to me... 1. Stop waiting for Him, because He is waiting for you. 2. Don't be like the rest of the world. Clear your mind. When you do, you'll know what to do. My husband and I talked a lot about this topic last night, lying in bed, wondering why we were given such plans. He concluded with, "Seek and ye shall find." I concluded with, "Knock and the door shall be opened unto you." Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be. -The Beatles