Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Young & married

People often think that being young and married is not the best way to do things. I don’t really know what “things” they mean, but if they mean supporting each other, being a team, making food for each other, falling asleep on each other’s chest, and sharing a bathroom with each other, then I think I’d beg to differ. I mean our marriage rocks to say the least. We have always got each other’s back; we share our thoughts and ideas with each other, take care of each other when we are sick, learn to accept each other’s flaws, make fun of each other, tell each other what the other is doing that bothers us, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I have known my husband for five years and this year in August, we will have been married for two years. We have grown so much with each other that it is hard to believe sometimes. We are such a strong team, that nothing could ever break us down and our love and trust is everlasting. However, I have also learned that marriage is not what everyone says it is, but in contrast, it is exactly what everyone said it would be, but we always prove people wrong. Let me explain myself…1. Lots of people say marriage is hard. True. When you get married, you are not alone anymore. Meaning, you have a co-pilot; another person you must consider in all of your big decisions; a person that must be put before yourself, at times. False. People who say marriage is hard CHOOSE to make it hard. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it, in no way, has to be difficult. You can have a positive attitude/outlook about situations in your marriage and grow, or you can have a negative attitude/outlook and stay put. Choose the day old bread for a better deal, or choose the most expensive bread because it only looks healthy. It’s up to you. 2. People think you won’t be as successful in your future if you get married young, True. If you make decisions that don’t benefit you, your spouse, your future children, your spiritual relationship, or your wallet, then, they might be right. MIGHT. False. We are both in college, working part – time, debt – free, getting up at 5 am to commute, doing homework on the bus (currently), and getting after each other if we don’t get enough sleep. Self – explanatory. 3. Your spouse should be the same religion as you. This one just irks me in so many ways. True. If you want your religious views to align and your mind at ease since you know what you’ll raise your children as, then yes. You should marry someone who shares your religious views, False. I am a Christian and my husband is Catholic. One Sunday at church, a member came up to me and asked, “So when are you going to change your husband?” I was so mad. Who does that? First, it’s not a very Christian – like thing to do, second, I’ll never change my husband. What he believes is up to him. We go to different churches every Sunday and on rare occasion, we attend each other’s church. Are we a house divided? No. Not. At. All. We both believe in God, we both pray, share different views that expand our minds, and to us, that is all that matters. Yes, it might be difficult deciding on the religion which we prefer our children to be raised, but we want them to be a part of the decision too, so we’ll cross that bridge when we reach it. 4. You have to have kids within a few years of being married. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked us when we are going to have kids, I’d buy myself a meal. False. When you get married young, people either think you’re already pregnant or you are going to be really soon. That’s not the case for us. We want kids someday, but we want to be somewhat stable in many ways first. “Well, you can never really be financially stable/ready when you have kids.” Sure, I believe that. Although, we want to be financially stable to the point where we don’t always have to work so we can be with our kids more and so we have the ability to have income even when we are not working. We want to build a dream home, start a business, travel, and so much more. With that being said, we will have to work hard for a while. We want to allow our kids to have the freedom to do as they please; to be supported by us without financial struggle. We already have our kids’ names in mind, so every time I think about them and imagine their faces, it encourages me to strive for my goals so I can easily provide for them. Kids will come a ways down the road in our future. True. There seems to be no truth to this unless medical reasons say otherwise. 5. Happy wife, happy life. A.k.a., you’re going to argue, a lot. True. We have differing ideas about a lot of things, but we usually see the other’s point of view too, in which we choose to learn and understand rather than battle it out for our own side. We have never ever yelled at each other. I will never let it get that far. It’s ridiculous. Raising your voice won’t make your spouse be on your side any more. Work it out. False. Both the wife AND husband should be happy. It’s not a one – way street. Want to be a strong team? Stop being stubborn and put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Learn about each other, find what makes the other happy; divorcing shouldn't be an option. To sum it all up, beat the stereotypes, whenever you get married. Be a team, don’t give up, communicate, trust, give more than take, share your dreams, and be each other’s BFF.

3 comments:

  1. I think you have to do what is best for you. My husband and I got married when I was 30 and he was 31 (we didn't meet until we were 27). For us, that worked. However, having a young child in our mid-thirties (let's be honest... we're now closer to 40 than 30!) makes us some of the older parents in our neck of the words.

    Enjoy the journey with your best friend.

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  2. So much wisdom Katie. I am glad that you are building a strong foundation. Your comments about religion made me instantly think about my parents. They have never let different religions come between them. They decided that we would go to church with my mom, but my dad was always very supportive - coming to important events at the church to support us. I think in the end, it worked this way because my dad was able to do that - let go and be supportive. I think it would have been harder for my mom to do the reverse.

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  3. Katie, I loved your post. You make some very valid points and I agree with many of them. One of them I feel strongly about is that you have to have the same religion as your partner, you couldn't have said this better. However my situation is a little different, I believe in God while Corey doesn't. Does this make me bitter? No, has he questioned me, yes. But then again he understands my point of view and I can understand his, and what he believes. I am honestly surprised you have never yelled at your husband. However, I found myself laughing as I read your post. I yell all the time, and you are so correct that it doesn't make them listen anymore. However, this is how I learned to express myself because that is the environment in which I grew up. On the flip side I am honestly trying not to yell as much, because it tears us apart. Lastly, what I think of when people say don't you want to do "things" before you get married, they simply mean travel and experience life by yourself. As you do, I believe it is always better to have someone by your side as your experience life, the ups and the downs and explore the world. Thank you for an awesome post with many valid points.

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